This feeling is indescribable. No, I take that back…it’s borderline magical.
That’s how good it feels to be around this person. You can’t stop thinking about them.
They consume every part of your being. There’s just one problem though.
The other person doesn’t see it. In fact, it’s even worse than that.
They view you as “just a friend.”
That’s right. You’ve officially become trapped in the friend zone…a place
more unpleasant than a Ben Affleck acting workshop. Now, there was a
point in time when escaping the friend zone was considered virtually impossible…
that is until today.
It’s time for me to set the captives free with my “Fly Guide to Escaping the Friend Zone.”
1. Stop Acting Like A Friend
An effective way to begin your great escape is to stop acting like a friend.
Now that doesn’t give you permission to blatantly ignore the things that made
you friends in the first place. But it does give you the right to distance yourself
from the normal “buddy activities.”
In short, you have to avoid comments like this: “You’re such a good friend.
I feel like I can tell you anything.” If that anything doesn’t include the two
of you laying on a beach listening to Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing,” then
you don’t need to hear it.
2. Rock The Boat
Still wondering how you ever found your way into the friend zone
in the first place? Well for starters, you may have been too predictable.
Here’s the test. If they were sad, did you instantly give them a shoulder to cry on?
Or how about this one: If they needed you, did you show up knocking on their
door in 3.4 seconds? If so, then you’re actually suffering from an acute
case of “predictablilititis” (I actually borrowed that word from the Jesse Jackson
“Make It Up As I Go” Public Speaking Dictionary.)
Listen, I respect your undying devotion to them, but all this does is place
you even deeper into the friend zone. Let’s break this down some more.
When a person’s in a relationship, they reach out to their mate. When they’re single,
they reach out to family and friends. Need I say more? So the next time they
say they’re bored and are wondering what you’re doing, shake things up a bit by saying you have a date. More on this next…
3. Pursue Other People
You don’t have to adjust your monitor, as this is not a misprint. You need
to start pursuing other people…today. By doing so, you actually gain ground
in the long run by triggering their jealousy switch. Think about it. Have you
ever had someone constantly running behind you, only to watch them make a
sudden about face to pursue someone else? When it happened, didn’t you secretly think,
“Am I missing out on something good?”
Jealousy is a natural emotion, and as soon as you’re able to use that to your
advantage, the sooner you’ll have them craving you more than George Bush
does higher gas prices. (Hey, you didn’t hear that from me.)
4. Get A Little Closer
The next step in escaping the friend zone is to break down the physical
barriers between the two of you. Simply put, you have to develop a pattern
of touching them. So any chance that presents itself, initiate some
type of physical contact. This can include kisses on the cheek, hugs,
and playful wrestling. The more you do this; the more comfortable they’ll be with
your touch…which is probably what Michael Vick’s cellmate is banking on.
5. Peak Their Interest
Now that you’ve broken the physical barrier, it’s time to add some intrigue
into the equation. The first step is to start sending mixed signals about your
actual feelings for them. (If you’re unclear on how to do this, pay attention
to Lindsay Lohan’s relationship with designer drugs…one day she loves them;
the next day she’s over them.)
Mixing this type of mysterious behavior with your new found physicality
only raises more questions in their mind. For starters, they’re trying to
figure out if you’re actually interested in them. This uncertainty forces them to
think about you within the context of a relationship. Mission accomplished…well almost.
6. Close The Deal
You’ve now come to the moment of truth; the juncture that ultimately separates
the men from the boys and the women from Rosie O’Donnell. If you’ve followed
my plan precisely, you should now be ready to close the deal. This happens by
cutting through the fluff, and making your intentions abundantly clear. There’s
no clear cut way to go about expressing yourself, but one constant must be
in place no matter what the approach: The two of you must be alone.
Once the mood is right, grab them by the shoulders, and let them know exactly how you feel…preferably in 3-5 sentences (There’s nothing worse than killing the mood by
talking too much. Wrap it up
The Fly Guy Moral: Before you attempt to break out of the friend zone, you
need to ask yourself this final question: Am I even going to enjoy this new found freedom?
Let’s face it, many times there’s only one thing that’s actually better than being
in a relationship with someone…and that’s the fantasy of it. In the end, you may
find out that it’s not all that’s cracked up to be. So before you throw away
your friendship, make sure you’re ready to accept the consequences, no
matter what the outcome.
Good luck. And remember, if you get caught during your escape: Don’t snitch on me.
That’s how good it feels to be around this person. You can’t stop thinking about them.
They consume every part of your being. There’s just one problem though.
The other person doesn’t see it. In fact, it’s even worse than that.
They view you as “just a friend.”
That’s right. You’ve officially become trapped in the friend zone…a place
more unpleasant than a Ben Affleck acting workshop. Now, there was a
point in time when escaping the friend zone was considered virtually impossible…
that is until today.
It’s time for me to set the captives free with my “Fly Guide to Escaping the Friend Zone.”
1. Stop Acting Like A Friend
An effective way to begin your great escape is to stop acting like a friend.
Now that doesn’t give you permission to blatantly ignore the things that made
you friends in the first place. But it does give you the right to distance yourself
from the normal “buddy activities.”
In short, you have to avoid comments like this: “You’re such a good friend.
I feel like I can tell you anything.” If that anything doesn’t include the two
of you laying on a beach listening to Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing,” then
you don’t need to hear it.
2. Rock The Boat
Still wondering how you ever found your way into the friend zone
in the first place? Well for starters, you may have been too predictable.
Here’s the test. If they were sad, did you instantly give them a shoulder to cry on?
Or how about this one: If they needed you, did you show up knocking on their
door in 3.4 seconds? If so, then you’re actually suffering from an acute
case of “predictablilititis” (I actually borrowed that word from the Jesse Jackson
“Make It Up As I Go” Public Speaking Dictionary.)
Listen, I respect your undying devotion to them, but all this does is place
you even deeper into the friend zone. Let’s break this down some more.
When a person’s in a relationship, they reach out to their mate. When they’re single,
they reach out to family and friends. Need I say more? So the next time they
say they’re bored and are wondering what you’re doing, shake things up a bit by saying you have a date. More on this next…
3. Pursue Other People
You don’t have to adjust your monitor, as this is not a misprint. You need
to start pursuing other people…today. By doing so, you actually gain ground
in the long run by triggering their jealousy switch. Think about it. Have you
ever had someone constantly running behind you, only to watch them make a
sudden about face to pursue someone else? When it happened, didn’t you secretly think,
“Am I missing out on something good?”
Jealousy is a natural emotion, and as soon as you’re able to use that to your
advantage, the sooner you’ll have them craving you more than George Bush
does higher gas prices. (Hey, you didn’t hear that from me.)
4. Get A Little Closer
The next step in escaping the friend zone is to break down the physical
barriers between the two of you. Simply put, you have to develop a pattern
of touching them. So any chance that presents itself, initiate some
type of physical contact. This can include kisses on the cheek, hugs,
and playful wrestling. The more you do this; the more comfortable they’ll be with
your touch…which is probably what Michael Vick’s cellmate is banking on.
5. Peak Their Interest
Now that you’ve broken the physical barrier, it’s time to add some intrigue
into the equation. The first step is to start sending mixed signals about your
actual feelings for them. (If you’re unclear on how to do this, pay attention
to Lindsay Lohan’s relationship with designer drugs…one day she loves them;
the next day she’s over them.)
Mixing this type of mysterious behavior with your new found physicality
only raises more questions in their mind. For starters, they’re trying to
figure out if you’re actually interested in them. This uncertainty forces them to
think about you within the context of a relationship. Mission accomplished…well almost.
6. Close The Deal
You’ve now come to the moment of truth; the juncture that ultimately separates
the men from the boys and the women from Rosie O’Donnell. If you’ve followed
my plan precisely, you should now be ready to close the deal. This happens by
cutting through the fluff, and making your intentions abundantly clear. There’s
no clear cut way to go about expressing yourself, but one constant must be
in place no matter what the approach: The two of you must be alone.
Once the mood is right, grab them by the shoulders, and let them know exactly how you feel…preferably in 3-5 sentences (There’s nothing worse than killing the mood by
talking too much. Wrap it up
The Fly Guy Moral: Before you attempt to break out of the friend zone, you
need to ask yourself this final question: Am I even going to enjoy this new found freedom?
Let’s face it, many times there’s only one thing that’s actually better than being
in a relationship with someone…and that’s the fantasy of it. In the end, you may
find out that it’s not all that’s cracked up to be. So before you throw away
your friendship, make sure you’re ready to accept the consequences, no
matter what the outcome.
Good luck. And remember, if you get caught during your escape: Don’t snitch on me.